Well you could have told me......

Living life in a foreign land with a foreign language can be quite exhausting. Just ask my husband. When he arrived in the states and went to the 'hairdresser' he walked into the salon asking for a 'hair dress'. No really, he did. The poor stylist, standing there completely confused, had no idea what kind of 'head dress' he needed. Indian inspired...bridal inspired...extensions perhaps??? After using visual symbology- a.k.a., using his fingers like scissors in reference to a 'haircut', he was left with the all too common, 'Expat Wound'. The world can be a very scary place when you have no idea what you're saying.

Now I love The Heikster dearly (a.k.a., my husband), but I cannot believe he let me get away with using this sentence, 'Ich mochte gerne einen Tisch fuer 4 Mensch reserviern.' for THREE YEARS. Basically, what I've been saying is, 'I would like to make a table reservation for 4 HUMANS.' As opposed to....extraterrestrial beings and a wide array of animals?!? Hmmmm. Finally, last week, The Heikster gave in and corrected this long running joke between him and apparently the entire area of Baden-Württemberg (we like to eat a lot!!) and through tears in his eyes explained that I was making a reservation for human beings, not for a casual group of four. Nice, thank you very much my dear. So unless you are willing to make the same mistakes as 'moi' here are a few etiquette tips for 'trying' to speak a foreign language like a foreigner.


1. Engage in conversation regularly with the locales whether they understand you or not...you're bound to entertain someone.

2. When you accidentally tell the gentleman next to you that you are a naughty girl and cannot be trusted...when your husband is standing directly next to you hearing this, grinning and saying NOTHING- tell your husband you meant it and knew EXACTLY what you were saying. Trust me; they deserve it for not immediately correcting the situation. My husband was sooooo fired after that one!!



3. Realize it's okay that you messed up a verb or two, changed the grammar and threw in a little Spanish...you're female. Just throw a flip of the hair add a dash of Sarah Palin wink and call it a day. You're beautiful and they could care less what you're saying especially if you're saying what I said in rule #2.



4. Think of it as vacation as I often did, the less you understand the more you can relax. Every once and awhile throw in a toothy grin, a quick non obvious haaa haaaa haaaa haaa laugh and be thankful for that bottle of Prosecco you just drowned.



5. Your new learned phrases may or may not resonate with the locales. In fact, they may stare at you completely confused. Doesn't matter, listen and repeat...just like our kids do. Eventually that funny story you heard in Rule #4 will be you. Well, except they will probably be laughing AT you and not WITH you.

Whatever the case may be, have fun learning your new language and as long as your not telling the baker you will soon be getting undressed (no, this absolutely did not happen to me...wink wink) you'll be fine. Look at me, it only took me a year to realize I was washing my clothes in Fabric Softener.