I’ve been in the states approximately eleven days and I’ve averaged (23) thank you responses, (20) excuse me’s and at least (13) may I help you exclamations. Wow…you forget how polite people in the states really are. Perhaps it’s the white glare from Americans beautifully bleached teeth or the ‘genuine’ sincerity (while standing in line at Target) about how gorgeous my girls are that makes me say ‘I’M HOME AND THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT…oh wait, wrong slogan’. ‘I’M HOME AND THANK YOU FOR SAYING EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME AND PLEASE LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU…THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!! I’ve definitely encountered my fair share of evil glances and ultimate refusal to help me open a door while balancing kids and coffee (in Germany) but I’ve dealt with it maturely and over time figured out how to ‘give it back’ a little.Although the German’s feel our way of ‘communicating’ is a bit over the top and redundant, I have to admit that it makes me feel good. I love the smiles and the small talk; it did after all score me a $1.99 price on a pair of swim goggles than really cost $14.00- all because I asked a friendly question about her son who is living in New York (that she was telling me about). Americans are wonderful at making people feel good and I wonder if this is the reason I struggled so much during my first year in Germany. Where was the politeness, the smiling at my girls, the helpfulness? I remember how the negativity and wayward glances made me feel before I accepted I was living in a different country and dealing with a different culture (the Schwabians).
Regardless of what people say about American sincerity I have to admit that I find the smile a bit uplifting. Actually I find it nice after my 3-years stint in a country where smiles are hard to come by. Don’t get me wrong, I stopped taking it personally two years ago, but there is something about a friendly face that makes me feel good. I believe we as expats find the ‘hardness’ difficult to manage (we are Americans after all) but I think the German’s also find the American’s a bit intolerable. I’ve had this conversation often with several German friends, and unlike us, who enjoy the small talk and added pleasantries; the German’s find the tawdriness of American’s annoying. Hmmm, to smile or not to smile?? Perhaps we need to entertain the idea of coming up with a bi-partisan solution.
9 comments:
i know how you feel. i have an acquaintance who said americans were "fake" in their friendliness...then he had the chance to visit new york city ...he changed his tune. he loved the city and the people! i hope as more people travel and experience other cultures it will result in at least more acceptance, if not understanding. have you moved back to the states?
I think I first experienced, what I perceived as rudeness in Germany, in the grocery store when a lady angrily pushed her cart right up to me, parked her cart, and stared a hole right through me because she needed to get by. Instead of her asking me to move politely, me apologizing for having been in the way (like I was used to) she just glared at me, said nothing, and acted extremely annoyed that I had delayed her. Perhaps it is best not to talk about how I feel about shopping at Aldi when all my products are shoved (and sometimes thrown in my cart) when I don't pack them fast enough... not to mention the angry customers looks in the line behind.
I too have had several Germans express their annoyance of the shallowness of questions like "how are you"? It does not seem logical to a German to ask a question that you don't really want to know the answer to. But I often compare it to a German running through the room, almost tripping over someone or something just to tell the "telephone-r" to tell the "telephone-e", "Schöne Grüße"
... in diesem Sinne, Schöne Grüße aus Hamburg!
Haha. So true.
I am also always uplifted and surprised (depending on how long I've been away) at american friendly-ness, hellos at resturants, etc. I know there is the shallow-debate, but I love it and often germans who have visited the US comment to me on how friendly americans are and that makes me smile! I've had my share of rude run-ins in germany, lots of line-cutting, but also some random acts of kindess by strangers. Both boys were having a major meltdown and a little old Oma went into her house to get chocolate for them. It worked! :-)
I was recently home and felt exactly the same. What really surprised me over and over was the number of strangers who said, "What cute kids!" and proceeded to engage in a 15-minute conversation with me! I also loved being at the park with my kids and not feeling like I was being gawked at or judged somehow. Instead, I had lovely conversations with freindly parents over a latte that was picked up en route!Returning to Germany, it didn't take long before rudeness and elbowing, line jumping, etc., were encountered. The transition took about 10 days to get used to!
This is so true! I am really looking forward to my Christmas trip to the States just to feel a little love in public, lol! I know it's 'so German' to be brusque and almost cranky at all times, so I'm super thankful for the Germans I encounter who are 'untypisch' in that they're friendly - like our new neighbors. You know by now not to expect it, but it's SUCH a nice surprise when you meet a friendly German!
Yes Americans are friendly, but it depends on the region as to just HOW friendly because I lived in New England which feels exactly the same as northern Germany to me. Although Hannover is very friendly compared to Hamburg and other local towns, I can't complain here. I see no difference so far. I think Hannover locals are VERY helpful and once you talk to them a little they open right up and you've made a friend for life. They are very loyal here too. This "unfriendly" culture you speak of may not be cultural as much as regional or even by city. I think it's much like America here, you have the deep south where everyone invites you in and you have Bostonians who you can live next door for 30 years and they'll NEVER talk to you!
Hi there,
very interesting post and comments.
I (German) will try to smile more often !
You are so right !
I am married to an Italian and have lived in the land of smile (Thailand) for many years - it is a culture shock to come back 'home'.
And Holly (decor8) is right: it also depends on the region. It is well known that Stuttgart area is more 'difficult' than eg. the Rheinland area.
And Aldi shoppers might also be more pessimistic and unhappy than shoppers at Boehm (Stuttgart city).
Anyway, thanks for the reminder:
I will be special friendly and extra smiling tomorrow and as long as I remember ;-)
Thanks for all of your wonderful, insightful comments. My husband is from Bavaria so I can relate to the regional 'smile and come here and give me a hug' area, but I guess (at the beginning) I was not aware of the vast differences among the many states in Germany. Please don't get me wrong, after 3-years of living here and people becoming familiar with my face the paradigm shift has occurred, but when my own family thinks the French have nicer people than those living in my own city I thought something must be wrong (wink...wink =0).
As I've said often to new expats trying to acclimate themselves with the area, "you just have to roll with it, accept it and give it time, because after awhile 'these people' will do anything for you." I've been surprised on more than one occasion with their random acts of kindness and thoughtfulness.
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