Some people (mostly my husband) say I'm a very determined person. If I have something in my head you better believe I will accomplish it. In other words, there is no way of stopping me. I will learn it, work hard mastering it and once conquered move on to my next curiosity.For some inexplicable reason, I find myself doing this a lot lately. I want to learn everything, reach personal goals and push my mental toughness to a new level. Whether it's running a 10K for the first time, as I did yesterday in Ludwigsburg (still cannot believe I actually did it!!!), learning a new language, becoming a better cook or becoming a better mother, I've developed this insane agenda in my head. Could this be my mid-life crisis at 35 or have I given up so much of my life by moving to a new country, becoming a wife and mother that I'm suddenly remembering (somewhere in the haze) that I'm also my own person!?! Well after much soul searching regarding this topic I discovered I am not alone. Through late night gab fests with my friends in the states I discovered two things about myself...I am normal and I am not alone in feeling a bit blah. We want to feel sexy, intelligent and fabulous for our husbands but feel they lose a little respect when all we do is complain about what isn't right. I'm pretty sure the complaining comes from the suffocation we feel managing the household, jobs and kids, but wouldn't it be great if we started doing things for ourselves on top of our daily routine? I realize it's all a balance anyway, so why not throw something out there that satisfies our being for a moment? Something that may even earn the respect from our partner?
I believe we will, in our own way, reach our own conclusion about our daily life and the meaning of it. Personally, I feel through all the verbal blabber and dialogue of the last 6-weeks I have reached my conclusion. My own ideas of 'tackling it all' stems from an inner need to want my kids to love me (of course), but most importantly that they want to be LIKE me when they grow up. I'm not trying to be perfect, just trying to be perfect for my kids.
3 comments:
Oh, you are not alone. I have wondered this very question lately. Does my life have meaning? Am I a good role model for my children, and will my action drive them to also be sucessful. While I know I might never be famous, I hope my actions will leave some type of impact on this world.
They will. Somehow, someway they will.
Kim! I completely get what you mean, and you aren't alone. My older sister had the same thoughts when she turned 35 and posed a great question, I was inspired to write something similar.
this is her link;
http://petitepaloma.blogspot.com/2010/02/thoughts-of-35-year-old-woman.html
for me It's about balance as well. I want my daughter to see me as not only her mommy but also a career woman and so she can see that she can do anything she wants to do.
and congrats on that 10K marathon! wow.
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